The Debut Dagger and Rejection

In February I entered the Crime Writers Association
debut dagger competition. The competition required you to send in the first 3,000 words of your novel and a synopsis.

I had more than 3,000 words already down, so thought, yes, I can do that. I spent an incredible amount of time editing, having not realised what the editing process would be like and practically rewrote every sentence.

I sat and completed pages of character sheets and wrote the synopsis, happy that I knew the people living in it and where they would be going. I knew that after only starting writing in October 2010 it was against the odds that I would come anywhere near obtaining this coveted prize, but you know how you get in your own little writing world. This book is great! I held an inner hope.

Yesterday that hope was crushed as I read on the website that the shortlisted entrants have been notified by post. I haven't received any post. So, it's either got lost (that's a Possibilty right?) or they didn't shortlist me.

I am surprised to hear myself saying this but I'm actually a little hurt. A serious rejection, without a rejection letter. My work wasn't good enough, not polished enough or just a rubbish idea.

I'm in the middle of my work in progress at the minute and I'm already struggling with feelings of uselessness. Feelings that whatever I create is just a great idea and a great plot in my own deluded head and no one in their right mind is ever going to want to take it on and take it out there to eager readers. I've read on blogs that writing the middle section of the novel is the difficult bit but I took that information with a pinch of salt. Now that salt is burning the back of my throat and I can't swallow because I just failed at the debut dagger.

I failed. I'm useless. I have to try and find it within myself to get back on the keyboard and ride it again.

I know this feeling will pass but it's a strange place to be sitting, only halfway through the novel, knowing I have so much work left to do, yet not knowing if my work will ever make it.

Entering the Debut Dagger

Several weeks ago I entered the Crime Writers Association, Debut Dagger competition, but it's taken me this long to actually write about it. The competition involved submitting the first 3,000 words of your crime novel and a synopsis between 500-1,000 words.

Considering I'm 25,000 words into my novel, means that the first 3,000 words were already there. I mistakenly thought this would be hard work but not too difficult. How mistaken can one girl be.

I spent  three hard weeks editing those already written 3,000 words. I'd edit, print it out, see more mistakes, edit some more then see whole paragraphs that sounded ridiculous and rewrite those. I wrote character profiles and learned more about who my characters were. The main character I already had, but during this process, I wrote complete profiles for several of the big characters.

All this was ridiculously time consuming. I never at any point realised it would be this way. I must have edited every single sentence in those first 3,000 words. It's shown me that once the first draft is complete the work really begins.

Once I'd settled on the correct words for my entry I had to write the synopsis. A synopsis for a book I haven't even finished writing yet.
I wrote the first part, next I wrote the ending which I already knew, then the conflict my characters were facing and once all that was in, I had to sit down to work out what the middle would involve. That was difficult and I'm not sure I've got that bit down right. I have multiple victims and multiple offenders so it gets a bit confusing.

Anyway, DJ.Kirkby very kindly offered to look at my synopsis and gave me some feedback on areas I hadn't made clear, so I did a little jigging about a bit, I was finally finished one hour before the closing time of midnight. I never imagined I would work so long on it, but though I was shattered, I was and am really pleased with myself. No matter what happens, I know my story and my characters a lot better now because of the competition, so continuing with the novel itself will be an easier enjoyable process. And I have no deadlines to panic over.

It will be several months before a short list comes out and I'm definitely not expecting to make it even close, what I am, is proud of the fact that I entered. It's an experience that has helped me. I entered The Crime Writers Association Debut Dagger competition!